куда мне деть все мои мысли?
банальный,казалось бы,глупый вопрос.
они виноваты во всём
отдать,послать по почте,расстратить на мелочи,закопать в парке под старым клёном,вписать в растрёпанный дневник и сжечь его к чертям?
их слишком многo.они переполняют чашу моего сознания и плавно разливаются,превращаясь в туман в котором я брожу и не могу найти ни одной двери.

---

The feeling of numbness is back

---

The Killers-This River is wild

Leaves are falling down
On the beautiful ground
I heard a story from the man in red
He said the leaves are falling down
Such a beautiful sound so I think you
Son, I think you better go ahead

But you always hold your head up high
Cause it's a long, long, long way down
This town was meant for passing through
But it ain't nothing new
Now go and show them
That the world stayed round
But it's a long, long, long way down

You better run for the hills before they burn
Listen to the sound of the world
And watch it turn
I just want to show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go
Or should I just get along with myself

I never did get along with everybody else
I've been trying hard to do what's right
But you know I could stay here all night
And watch the clouds fall from the sky

This river is wild
This river is wild

Run for the hills before they burn
Listen to the sound of the world
Watch it turn
But shake a little
Sometimes I'm nervous when I talk
I shake a little
Sometimes i hate the line I walk
I just want to show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go

Or should I just get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
Ive been trying hard to do whats right
But you know I could stay here all night
And watch the clouds fall
From the sky

Because this river is wild
God speed you boy
This river is wild

Now Adam's taking bombs
And he's stuck on his mom
Because that bitch
Keeps trying to make him pray

He's with the hippie in the park
Coming over the dark
Just trying to get some of that little girl play

You better run for the hills before they burn
Listen to the sound of the world
But watch it turn
I just want to show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go

Or should I get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
I've been trying hard to do whats right
But you know I could stay here all night
And watch the clouds fall from the sky

And pay this hell in me tonight
Because this river is wild
God speed you boy
This river is wild
God speed you boy
This river is wild

Now the cards are everywhere face in dust
The fairground
I don't think I ever seen so many headlights
But there's something pulling me
The circus and the crew
Well they're just passing through
Making sure the merry still goes round
But it's a long, long, long way down

---

первый лучший друг:
Настя

первый воображаемый друг:
я сама

первый домашний любимец:
какой-то из моих хомяков

первая школа:
школа номер 12

первый поцелуй:
не помню,хоть убейте.

последняя сигарета:
вчера

последний посмотренный фильм:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,в 38 раз

последний телефонный звонок:
Костя

последнее, что слушал:
НС-я люблю того кто не придёт

последняя ссора:
с мамой
---------------------------------------------
а вы..
ходили на свидания с лучшим другом?
приходилось

плавали нагишом?
да

целовали кого-то и жалели об этом?
да.очень жалела

изменяли своей "половине"?
к сожалению,да

ходили на свидание вслепую?
да,точнее почти.Google helped me out.

выезжали из страны?
да

4 человека, которым вы доверяете:
Костя и я сама умножить на 3

риск или надежность?
рискованная надежность

кино или театр?
театр

чувства или разум?
чувствующий разум

@музыка: The Killers-Uncle Johnny

---

Strange behaviouR

все-таки я странно себя веду
например->
Мама:убери в комнате
Наташа:нет.я занята.
Мама:чем,интересно?
Наташа:ну,делами.
Мама:фигня всякая.убери в комнате
Наташа:нет.потом уберу.
Мама:ах так,ну ладно
Мама ушла,хлопнув дверью
Наташа начала убираться в комнате от нечего делать.

---

There are so many things I need to do, and yet have not done.I hate this feeling of loosing control over the situation.This is not me.

---

Shuffle Play-Random Songs

1. Как ты себя сегодня чувствуешь?
In the deep-Bird York
[Thought you had all the answers]
2.Каким ты видишь этот мир?
Light and Day-The Polyphonic Spree
3.Каким видят тебя твои друзья?
The Fight Song-Marilyn Manson
4.Твое отношение к любви?
Welcome to the black parade-My Chemical Romance
[Strange, I must say]
5.Песня твоего лучшего друга?
Read my mind-The Killers
6. Какова история твоей жизни?
Странная вещь,любовь-Сегодня Ночью
7. Твое отношение к друзьям?
Пора домой-Сектор Газа
8. Лучшее в твоих друзьях?
Kiss and Control-AFI
[Oh, my dear god!]
9. Какая песня описывает тебя?
Erase and Rewind-The Cardigans
[I do change my mind a lot]
10. Ну и как в общем протекает твоя жизнь?
Всё пройдёт-ПЭ
[*падаю со стула*]
11. Какая песня будет играть на твоих похоронах?
Girls Not Grey-AFI
[I'll lay me down tonight-Much further down]
12. Что думают о тебе твои друзья?
Magic Moments-Perry Como
13. Что заставляет тебя грустить?
Again We Rise-Lamb of God
[You will never be one of our kind-This ain't yours,fuck you,don't try]
14. Что ждёт тебя в будущем?
Totalimmortal- AFI
[Sometimes I swear that I can hear the taunting of the voiceless ones]
15. А прошлое у тебя какое было?
Солнце-Ночные Снайперы
[Больше не осталось ничего теперь мне путь свободен]
16. Что у меня на душе?
What I've done-Linking Park
[Regret]
17. Я выйду замуж/женюсь?
Led Zeppelin-Stairway to hell
[I guess I will]
18. Мое лучшее качество
The only living boy in New York-Simon & Garfunkel
[Interesting]
19. Что меня ждёт завтра?
The Faded Line-Lamb of God
[Ужасти какие]
20. Что мне нужно изменить в себе?
Они убили тебя-Ночные Снайперы
[Мда]
21. По какому принципу строится жизнь?
Far beyond the sun-Yngwie Malmsteen
[Ипать!]
22. Что обо мне думают окружающие?
Пропавший безвести-ДДТ
[Вроде тут ещё]
23. Как мне сделать себя счастливым?
We are going to be friends-The White Stripes
[Awesome!]
24. Как мне разрешить свои проблемы?
Бессердечность-Танцы Минус
[WOW]
25. У меня будут дети?
Прочь из моей головы-Сплин
[Видимо нет]
26. В чем смысл моей жизни?
Катастрофически-Ночные Снайперы
[No comment]
27. Кто на мне женится/выйдет замуж?
The Lonely Shepherd-Zamfir
[Honey, that is who you truly are]
28. Как мне провести лето?
Breaking the habit-Linking Park
[But which one?]
29. Совет на будущее?
30. Животрепещущий вопрос насчет творчества?
WWW-Ленинрад
[*стреляюсь*]

---

Confinement of origin
Dependable persuasion
The sinking and the giving in
The rising of temptation
Perhaps the loosing was too much
The wounds can not heal fast
The burials of enemies
Never seemed to last
The overblown trust-a modern tool of thieves
The loneliness and hopelessness
Just rot like fallen leaves
Sophisticated outbursts
The near dead revolt
Collecting all the memories
To put them in a vault
To lock it and to lose the key
And never to come back
You thought she'd shoot you in the heart
But she's got you bare back
Confinement of origin
Forgotten combination
The crawling and the falling in
Tend to make a fixation

Written by me

---

B голове бардак.пора прибраться.
We treat mishaps like sinking ships and
I know that I don't want to be out to drift
Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and
They both tell me that we're better than this.

@музыка: Modest Mouse- Little Motel

---

House.Best Moments.

-Aw, you miss Stacey too?

---

Crazy over "House", hope it will pass.

---

New BG. Bпечатления?

Feeling white-perhaps I will settle for a white dress after-all.

@музыка: Modest Mouse-Dashboard

@настроение: >White

---

Today is a weird day. Everything seems to happen too fast for my brain to comprehend. I missed my stop today, four times. The first was when I was running late to my interview, the second-when I was going to another one, the third was when I accidentally went to Surrey instead of Burnaby, and the fourth is when I almost missed Lougheed Town Centre.I do not know whether to blame it on the horrid hot weather that melted down my brain or just plain stupidity-but it is very unusual of me. The bank lost my money, my head hurts, the weather is bad, the interviewers seem to forget I exist and the book I am reading does not cheer me up.

---

No to all

Priest of no order

Church of no might

Faith of no meaning

God of no light

Message written simply

Truth I can't deny

Damned to hell, forgiven

Lost and found sky

Bible of no lessons

Christ means none to me

Childhood-Adolescence

Apple with no tree

Rain with no water

Dessert with no sand

Space with no time

Moon with none to land

Written by me

---

A few of my own brainy quotes I finally decided to put for the world to see

(Needless to say-I do not actually expect you to read this nonsense)



When they say: "Do it!"

I say:"Fuck you."-



"Shut up...I am listening,honey."-To John.



"Man, you got this shit figured out! You nasty little bitch!Now tell me about how you cheated on your boyfriend."-To Rachael.



"Tell me all about the sex.No,scratch that,tell me all about your sex life-I got plenty of time."-To Anna.



"Darling,you are a fucking idiot with no self-esteem and tons of good games.Hey, can I borrow one from you?"-To Hrene4ka.

---

Our souls are coloured lime.

So we cheated, we lied and we tested

Trying so hard to fall back in time

Found no glory-but time we wasted

Our souls are coloured lime

Our tears are coloured sorrow

Our fears are coloured green

In hope we pray for a better tomorrow

Rejecting the future we have already seen

Careless agonies filling our threshold

Screaming out-tired, broken,disturbed

So we never failed to fail

It was the easiest thing to hold

So we aim at parting of sensory

And we complete the hardest quest

None, as I come now to mention it,

Left us in stillness of eternal rest

Cutting through skin with a silvery blade

Sliding it down towards the heart

Thinking of promises we've ever made

Finding it difficult to play our part.

Natural happenings will kill us eventually

Stranger and stronger the fire becomes

"Burn the priest!" they tell us endlessly

Lost no heaven-and found none.

Written by me

---

I hate summer.I hate sweat, heat, smelly people, cars that pollute the air, jeans which make fat people look even fatter,short skirts and tank tops,insects and all that other shit that the summer is known for.The only thing I do like is free time!

@музыка: Modest Mouse-Little Motel

---

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.

If the world's at large, why should I remain?

Walked away to another plan.

Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.

I move on to another day,

to a whole new town with a whole new way.

Went to the porch to have a thought.

Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.

You don't know where and you don't know when.

But you still got your words and you got your friends.

Walk along to another day.

Work a little harder, work another way.



Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.

We'll float on maybe would you understand?

Gonna float on maybe would you understand?

Well float on maybe would you understand?



The days get shorter and the nights get cold.

I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.

It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.

The days get longer and the nights smell green.

I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.



I like songs about drifters - books about the same.

They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.

Walked on off to another spot.

I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.

Did I want love? Did I need to know?

Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?



The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.

Adding their breeze to the summer nights.

Outside, water like air was great.

I didn't know what I had that day.

Walk a little farther to another plan.

You said that you did, but you didn't understand.



I know that starting over is not what life's about.

But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

My thoughts were so loud.

@музыка: Modest Mouse - The World At Large

---

странная ночь была.снились всякие ужастики.и предчуствие плохое.

---

Watched House again.

His quote got me thinking.

"My mistakes do not prove that god exists."

Interesting.What can prove that god exists?